the world is quiet

it’s 4am and
the world is quiet.
nothing is as (we)
i thought it would be.
i look out to the brightest moon. she
stares in and captures my gaze
and i wonder if you can see
her face,
just as i long to see yours.

i think it was warm that day,
the day you left, but
i’m shivering now, and nothing,
not one thing will ever
thaw the freezing cold ache
in my heart
that shatters a little more
each and every time i think of you.

do you know the plans i had?
the plans that i hid
in the recesses of my mind,
not far from the place where i buried you.
and when i visit you now,
when you cry out in the night
and pull hard at my core,
so fiercely i have no other choice
than to feel it, to feel you, to
remember
You,
i revisit each and every plan
we never made.

even when you’d gone, even though
there is not one recognisable trace of you left,
not one photograph or letter or
remnant of your life
with me
you grew
within the formation of my cells
and the marrow of my bones.

tell me, do you believe
we have a soul, or a spirit,
or some everlasting imprint
on this earth that remains, long after
we are gone? because i don’t know
what happens when we go, yet
i’m certain
that a part of you stayed
here
with me, a part of you lived and died
and was reborn, again and again; somewhere
under the veil of forget,
between every beat of my heart and
in each lingering breath i held on tight,
i was holding you. somewhere
in me
there was you.
there was always you.

it’s 5am, and
the world is quiet, and oh,
my love,
i miss you.

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