i believe

I believe there is more love to give and receive and share in this world than any human has the capacity to comprehend; that it multiplies, higher than a mountains’ reach and deeper than the oceans’ pull.

I believe there are moments when hate and hurt, abuse and all manner of wrong are used under the guise of love, moments when it seems that love is used for bad, manipulative, sickeningly awful purposes, forming dark masses and painful consequences. But I believe these wrongs, these dark entities, these forces are not love. I believe this is not love.

I believe that only love is love.

I believe that even in these painful moments, somewhere, somehow, love still remains, whether we can see it or not.

That somewhere, somehow, some distance beyond our soul’s gaze there is love, real love, circulating our being. I believe there are moments in each person’s life when we cannot see, feel, know the love surrounding us and I believe this is okay, that we should not be forced to only see the good and the love in our lives.

Because, I believe, it’s not okay to be hurt, manipulated or abused, but not one person will get to the other side of this thing we call ‘life’ without facing the darkness, in one form or another

Again and again and again, and I believe it’s okay to feel every part of the darkness in and around us, just like the light. And, I believe, we should, we must, we will feel it all.

I believe there is no one right way to experience life (or death or love or grief or pain or joy).

I believe we all have choices. Sometimes these choices are so fundamental to our being; choices about who we are, how we live, where we place our hearts and souls.

And I believe we sometimes have no choice at all.

I believe we are all part of this human experience and if we allowed ourselves to see this, to feel it, to live it, to be in it (or sometimes to ‘just be’), we would all feel more together. And to assume we know better is to disregard real human feeling and experience.

But I also believe some people set themselves apart, as more or less; more perfect or more ideal, less broken or less flawed. I believe this disconnect creates centuries of blame and shame within families, communities, countries, worlds where there are cries for connection.

I believe nobody has the right to force shame on another person, through either their words or their actions. But I believe shame is usually given away by its maker and often eat away the core of a soul who neither created nor asked for it in the first place. I believe shame breeds more shame until we break the cycle.

I believe in the cyclical nature of the world and humanity, in our ability to create and destroy. I believe in change, in our capacity to create it with the smallest action or word.

I believe living causes a continual creation of everything that is good and bad and ugly and beautiful, catapulting change and growth and renewal.

And, if a god creates the world in seven days, then I believe we must only be on day one point five because every single moment seems to create more mystery and mayhem and matter than humanity can comprehend and I do not believe we are anywhere near fully done yet.

Yet, I believe one human mind can comprehend a lot. That we often don’t give each other enough credit in this comprehension and we live our lives more separately and alone than we ever truly need to.

Because, I believe, if we all shared a little more of our lives, our loves, our losses, our selves, if we shared more in our findings and feelings, in our fears and fascinations, in our living and our dying, then we would not feel quite so alone.

I believe alone and lonely sometimes walk hand in hand, and other times they are entities each of their own. That sometimes through being alone I have found more connection and light and joy than in some moments surrounded by hundreds, feeling lonely and in pain and filled with darkness.

I believe in faith. I believe my own faith does not sit in religion or scripture but in you and me and us.

I believe that in my darkest, most desperate moments, I have found more faith than I knew I could hold. That in the moments when death has stared me in the face the only way I managed to survive was through a faith I did not believe I held. But it did, it existed, and more, I was living and breathing this faith.

I believe my faith lies in you and in me, in humanity and in nature, in the whole universe and in a single breath.

I believe some days breathing is enough. Some days it’s more than enough, when each inhale and exhale circulate both renewal and brand new devastation, when breathing becomes the only way I know to survive.

But, I believe, I was not born to survive. And yet, somehow, I believe I have found a way, every single day, even when I have not wanted to.

I believe these moments have taught me more than any airy-fairy, vacuous moment ever could (and I believe there is a place for airy-fairy, vacuous moments too), but I also believe I’d give some of these deep dark moments back if I were given the option as they chipped away at my very core, while some are fundamental to who I am.

I believe I am.

I believe I am living, breathing, dying, grieving, loving, losing, learning, giving, receiving, breaking, healing and growing in every single second of every single day.

I believe in my innate capability to be and to become. I believe every human in the world has this capability too.

I believe I am no different to you or to her or to him or to them.

And, I believe I am different and unique.

I believe I am enchantingly magnificent and ordinarily mundane, and on any given day I need to believe in one or the other or in a messy combination of the two.

Because some days I believe I need to stand up, alone, to be my own champion, pulling myself out into the world to let my light shine, and other days I believe I need to stand among the many and breathe in our oneness with the universe.

Because I believe in the universe.

And I believe in you.

I believe in your light and your love and your living. I believe in your darkness too, and I believe it makes you whole and beautiful and interesting and full of live and death and grief and joy.

I believe I can love you, fully and hold it, all. And I believe I only want you to hold me if you can hold me whole.

Because I believe this is where we find each other and find the universe in each other.

For I believe that we, you and I, are the universe.

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