Hand to my heart I promise I’m not going anywhere.
With you came a safe place, a simple yet complex connection that filtered into my future so clearly that I could do nothing else but be.
Because you asked for nothing more.
You weren’t like the others before you, those who wanted me to be broken open like a carcass they could pick at to fulfil their depraved cravings.
The purest parts of me they desired were my tears. They collected them like raindrops that burst the riverbanks of my innocence.
You, you were different.
You didn’t ask for anything. You were just there.
With that I gave you my friendship, my love, my time, my smiles – smiles beyond those I had given before. Created by gentle words and intention.
You fit. Like a missing piece of my life puzzle that I’d searched for over years of pain and shame.
And now you feel like you’re breaking.
I see you. I hear you. Crying behind the mask of your longing. For life to change, to be different, for your hands to become stronger in holding onto a life once lived.
Well I can’t take you back. I can’t undo all that has gone before in your world. I wish I could. I wish it were different, for you and for them, for me and for us.
But I can hold onto us. I can hold on for us both, for now, while you make shapes out of the remnants of your world, until one begins to fit.
Then you can meet me back here.
Because I can’t lose you. I won’t lose you. You are part of the make-up of my life, my safe space, and I’m part of yours. This space may crumble and fall but the pillars that held it once strong will remain – that much I can hold onto – and we’ll build upon them with all that we find in the wreckage and that which we create anew.
You matter. And I’ll believe it in all the days you cannot, and then some.
Please stay here with us. Please stay here with me.