always

i promise to love you.
even when you don’t love yourself,
especially when you don’t love yourself.
i’ll be here, always,
walking beside you,
never leading or pushing you
or dragging you backwards.
i’ll meet you where you are,
i’ll stay by your side.
unless you need to go it alone a while.
that’s okay too.
i’ll let you go.
know you can cry out for me again.
i’m here,
always ready to find you
and join you in your space.
or, if you can’t find one,
use mine,
i’ll hold space for you as long as you need it.
it’s yours,
unconditionally.
there will be times when we have changed, when we differ.
i won’t always agree with you,
we won’t always be living life in the same way,
sometimes we might change so much
that it doesn’t seem we are living in the same world,
but here, in this space, we can live alongside each other.
whatever you feel is valid.
know this.
i can’t give you free reign to use these feelings destructively,
just as you can’t me, we all have lines to draw,
but the feeling itself is valid
and you’re allowed, no, called
to express it.
express yourself.
you are worthy.
always.
you have nothing to prove to me.
we won’t always get on,
you might not always like me,
and you don’t have to.
i don’t get a free pass,
but i promise to keep showing up for you
and i’m not going to run,
ever.
but i can, there’s freedom here.
so can you.
you can leave and run and find yourself and your life.
my love for you is not here to stifle you into submission,
my love for you is about you, not me.
i love you because you are all that you are.
i love you, whoever you are, whoever you become.
i love you because you are.
just as i know you love me for no reason at all and every reason you can name.
it’s taken a long time to accept it but i’m getting there,
i’ll always be getting there, to you, to here.
here, us, will hold some of the biggest lesson we’ll ever learn.
i’m learning too
and i’m going to struggle and mess up and find it hard sometimes.
it’s okay.
i don’t have all the answers. neither do you.
but we can work it out, together.
sometimes you’ll be teaching me.
sometimes i’ll be teaching you.
sometimes you’ll find parts of life that i never lived,
experiences i’ve never had and never will,
and i’ll cheer you on and be your number one fan,
even if i don’t understand.
i don’t have to understand,
this is your life, not mine.
you’ll succeed and you’ll fail.
it’s okay to fail.
we all do.
i will too.
and i’ll try to own it and learn and not build my defences,
i’ll try not to shut you out from my pain and my shame.
but i will fail, sometimes,
and i promise i’ll try to do better.
i promise to try. always.
i’m going try my absolute best.
this is a sincere promise.
tell me when it’s not working and we’ll try something else.
let’s keep trying.
and let’s keep loving,
even when we don’t like each other very much,
especially when we don’t like each other very much.
we’ll find our way back, we always do,
and soon enough you’ll be my favourite person again.
this is real, this is love
and it’s not going to be easy
but i promise to keep doing it,
loving you
and letting you love me right back.
you’ve got me.
we’ve got this.

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