oh darling, i see all of you

Oh darling, do you think I do not see? Do you think I do not see your hand quivering as you raise it to your mouth to stop the deafening sound from escaping? 

Do you think I do not see your legs give way to the weight of your secrets and the strength of your misery? Do you think I do not see when your body is slammed to the floor by the gravitational pull of your traumatic night? Do you think I do not see how your life crumbles into the trance of your disoriented nightmares?

I see you.

I see you when you go swimming in the ocean of your sorrow. I see when the current becomes too powerful to keep you afloat, ripping your body into the stormy sea.

I see the water immersing your body so you are drowning in the grief-stricken pool of your tears; tears which have no point of escape, tears which poison you as they pool around your heart. I see you straining for breath as the tsunami of your past floods your soul.

I see you.

I see you warring with the demon that inhabits your mind. I see how you try to reconcile, how you attempt to make peace, how accommodating you are. And I see, despite your best efforts, that you are terrorized by your demon daily. I see you are given no respite from its attack, so you fire your feeble weaponry in defense of your freedom.

I see how your attempts go unnoticed, for you were not built for combat. I see the war raging throughout your body and how wearisome it makes you. I see, even when you fight, that you inflict more injury upon yourself than your demon, so you have no choice but to surrender.

I see you.

I see you wearing your clown face so the world can laugh. I see the colors you paint onto your skin to sooth the tender eyes of those with whom you live. I see the charming mask you created, that you wear so elegantly for their happiness.

I see how the make-up you adorn begins to erode your already breaking shell, infecting the essence of your true self. I see how you shine your remaining light for others to view your veil, leaving nothing for yourself to illuminate your beauty when you are alone in the darkness.

I see you.

I see you shaking in the fear of your reality. I see your story unfolding before your eyes, blinding you to the life you once believed in. I see how afraid you are to claim it. I see how your truth makes you feel; I see the shame, the hurt, the despair, the loneliness.

I see you clinging to the last remnants of your vision as your newfound past forces its grip on your existence. I see you struggling to learn how to walk through this scary world. I see your resistance to be taken. I see you using every last resource you own to survive, how deplete you feel, how scared you are that your fading strength may soon be lost.

I see you.

Oh darling, I see all of you — no matter how you try to hide, no matter how alone you feel, no matter where you are running to — I have seen you, I will see you.

I see you.

Originally published at Rebelle Society

Images via Rebelle Society

Images via Rebelle Society

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