Goodbye, my sweet love.

Image © Mariann Martland

Image © Mariann Martland

Now is the time

I must say Goodbye

and let you go,

my sweet love.

 

You were my everything.

With you I lived, died, broke, grew.

My life shifted and reshaped

into a state beyond all we knew.

And you held it all.

 

You held me

in my most vulnerable state,

and saw my tears fall

through our safety net of love.

You took my hand

when my knees fell to the floor,

as I howled in sorrow

at the memory of a life once forgot.

 

You nurtured my need for solitude

and gave me the freedom

to begin discovering who I really am.

You watched me

take my first baby steps

in this discovery,

Lifting me when I fell,

carrying my weary body

when it could barely

find strength to crawl.

 

We spent time after time

together in the silence,

feeling all the feelings

I had never allowed into my soul.

We spoke of beginnings,

endings and all that life

gave in between.

We watched as night

flickered slowly into day,

and saw day burn out

into the warmth of dusk.

And we treasured it.

Every moment.

 

We blessed the darkness

and vowed to learn from the shadows.

You gave me a safe space to be.

Just be.

In your warm arms

I found comfort

as I lay paralyzed with fear.

You showed me a blank canvas

on which to focus through

the trauma of my horror-stained vision.

 

When I could face the world no longer

you lit my path back to you,

and never flinched at the relief

I showed when you became home.

 

We discovered how to blackout

the glare of the world.

We became masters at it,

walking through shade together.

You created a shelter for my life,

never allowing the monsoon of my mind

to let us drown.

Whenever we were parted

I missed your soothing warmth,

I craved your revitalizing heat.

And you never disappointed on our return to us.

We were one.

 

We were each a part of the other

and as I remolded I added you

to the makeup of my being.

We fit.

 

And then you were gone.

Without warning.

Without Goodbye.

My body calls out for you.

My heart bleeds loudly,

crying out for you to come back to us.

But here is Goodbye.

I must let you find peace,

away from the torment of my grief.

 

I will forever carry your memory,

it is tattooed upon my soul.

I will recount every wisdom

you taught me in calligraphic print

across my mind.

I will greet each day

with the reverence I learned through you.

And each night I will bless,

recalling the nights you held me so close.

I will shine your grace

through the world, so they never forget,

And I will remember you

when I am alone in the darkness,

where only we knew our true light.

 

Though my world now feels empty,

though I have lost the lifeline to my spirit,

I will love, I will live,

for you, for us,

in all the ways you showed me how.

So you can rest now.

Goodbye, my sweet love.

 

Previously published at Rebelle Society

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