Some days my biggest accomplishment is brushing my teeth.
On those days I don’t always feel worthy of being loved.
When you told me I was an ‘old soul’, you were right, but I yearn for the fleeting moments of feeling young.
There are days when I feel like I have lived ten lifetimes in one, but I’m not smart enough to untangle it all yet.
Missing you runs through my blood like a holy poison.
Sometimes I don’t know how to breathe.
I usually think most people would see me as broken if they knew I felt as connected to death as I do to life, to darkness as to light (sometimes more). And then I remember they are one and I feel a little more whole.
I don’t think I have ever let myself be fully seen by another person.
When I think of this I want to cry harder than I ever have before. But I don’t think I would know how to stop.
I am a realist, but I am also a dreamer.
And dreaming is one of the most beautiful and painful experiences I have ever known.
There are days I don’t ever want to wake up.
I wholeheartedly believe in the universe and love and connection and strength of human spirit, even when I am overwhelmed or confused by life.
There is usually at least one moment in each day when I am overwhelmed or confused by life.
I have always been searching for home, I think you were the closest I got.
I can remember every single time you held my hand.
When people tell me I am strong or brave or courageous my mind begins to drown in a sea of question marks, so I either disagree or just smile.
I try to practice strength and bravery and courage everyday. I think I am still in the beginners’ class.
When I look in the mirror I barely recognise the woman staring back. She doesn’t look like the girl you knew.
I spent the first 28 years of my life pretending I was holding my world together, even just a tiny part of it.
Maybe it’s time to stop pretending.
When I told you I was in love with you once, I meant it. But I should not have made the phrase past tense, or singular.
The spaces between us make my heart ache, loudly.
I long to live in those spaces so maybe I’d feel closer to you.